A coffee bean in the candy jar — my bitter-sweet university life

Beano was a coffee bean growing on one of the coffee trees in a lively garden, where the sun shone brightly and attentive gardeners took care of them. From time to time, the gardeners fed the coffee trees with nutritious fertilizers, equipping the beans with nutrients that fostered them to become mature coffee beans. From the gardeners they learnt, that every year there would be a quality examination for those senior beans who had been in the garden for three years. Experts would do a thorough test to them all and the fortunate ones would be picked out into another place, which, according to the gardeners, was way larger than the garden, gorgeous, picturesque, most importantly, full of nutrients that none could had ever imagined. “We are more willing to call it a ‘palace’ rather than a place!” one of the gardeners once said. How wonderful the place was! Only a bit of thought of living in such “palace” made Beano excited. Countless nights witnessed Beano having dreams of truly entering the “palace”, placing himself at the middle of the yard, wandering, chatting delightedly with his friends and getting a thorough growth by the infinitive nutrients stored in it. His dream drove him to went on harder to absorb nutrients with his tree-mates, since they were all dreaming of the same place, or “palace”. Beano spent three years dedicating himself to becoming an excellent bean and finally the test arrived. Unusual silence enveloped the garden as Beano saw the expert entered, wearing a white robe and holding a magnifying glass, cautiously examined the beans and picked those met his anticipations. The white figure was approaching Beano, closer and closer. A surge of nervousness crept upon him. His heart throbbed; his breath fastened. He almost felt suffocated and he closed his eyes with his mind all blank, waiting for his fate. Suddenly, just few seconds after he closed his eyes, a sense of weightlessness suffused him. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself right in the expert’s hand. He was chosen! For a split second, exhilaration and excitement suffused all over him as he was happily rolling about in expert’s hand. Were there a pair of feet for him, he would had jumped miles and miles high. The sudden burst of happiness almost made him pass out. When he finally calmed down he was in the car for the “palace”. As the car passed the gate, Beano couldn’t resist the temptation to cast his glances through the windows. “How...” well this time he truly passed out, even before he could let out a piece of scream. When Beano finally recovered from unconsciousness, he found himself in a bright room. Unknown as the upcoming environment remained, Excitement still overwhelmed Beano. “I am the selected one.” Beano thought as he waited for the next thing to happen. Then within seconds, Beano found himself in a candy jar, surrounded by candies with various colors and shapes. Some took a shape as a diamond, with stripes of rainbow colors, while some others looked like white sugar, shining brightly in the reflection of the light. Facing with all those fancy stuff, Beano for the first time felt a sense of inferiority. He swallowed hard and made his attempt to talk with them, but familiar nervousness just took over his throat as he mirrored himself from the glass, where a brown, oval figure appeared in front of him, nothing special, and none deserving appreciation. Through the glass he saw the fancy candies behind him who were clustering together, chattering and laughing loudly. It dawned on him that those who lived in the “palace” were all of good qualities and he would even fail to get adapted in the new environment. Deep fear suddenly took over him, just like —

How I felt in the first few weeks in the first semester after entering Zhejiang University.

I used to have an unaccountable confidence for my competence in English maybe due to my performance in senior high school, yet my daydream of still ranking high in university turned out to be a real daydream. Every new day would see me get stunned by how excellent my classmates were. Just a high proficiency in English was not enough to capture all their capabilities. Some have the ability to instantly memorize a bunch of words, with shorter time than Anna could fall in love with Hans^[1], some had already possessed a universe of vocabulary larger than Po’s stomach^[2], while some had scores of life experience that couldn’t be completely written on a whole Maui^[3]. I was so afraid, especially in the night when anxiety, self-doubt and fear for the future took turns to pay me visits. The days went on like whirling wind and heavy rain beating on me, making me dizzy as well as driving me crazy. It seemed like I was always living in the shadow of other classmates who appeared more excellent then me. But shadows only appeared in dark places, where the lights were far and far away. What if I became the light? The light of mine might be shallow, not being able to be cast on anyone else, but was totally enough for driving away the shadow around me. The light of mine could be a small goal or a specific direction in which I got interested and could cast out my strength. It didn’t matter so much what the small goal was or where the direction finally led my to, as long as I made the plan and devoted myself to it, by which I would no longer live under the shadow of others. Time waited for no one. Let the past be past and started then —

Looking at the brown, oval figure which seemed ordinary in the glass again, Beano, for this time, fixed his eyes on himself, rather than the candies behind him. “Unfortunately, I won’t be like them.” Beano thought, “But I feel lucky to be myself!” Beano soon got down to his own growing plans as a coffee bean where devoted himself to becoming part of a cup of latte. He soon came to his own as he worked with other beans and ingredients, which also included the white sugar in the jar who Beano once felt too excellent to have interactions. Fortunately with no self-inferiority in heart, Beano spent several wonderful years in the “palace” and made bunch of friends with the candies before the day he finally realized his dream, getting involved in an mellow cup of latte which was praised by people from everywhere. 

Surely a coffee bean can’t act like a candy to be directly put into mouth, yet with delicate processes good coffee beans can translate into a cup of coffee, the elegant scent and the taste of sweet afterwards of which are rather popular among people. Not only does Beano serve or maybe will serve as a microcosm of myself in university, but the bitter-sweet tastes as we enjoy a cup of coffee where sweet gradually comes after a strong wave of bitter also reflect the transition of my state of mind.